As parents, most of us continue the fable of Santa Claus, but why? What makes us feel the need to continue these lies? Why do we make up stories, hide presents, put out cookies and milk, and invoke the threat of no presents without good behavior as determined by the big, fat, jolly guy? The Ethical Atheist writes this (humorous) article because it reminds us of religion... many rewards for the good, threats for the bad, and impossible assumptions in either case.
Merriam-Webster: San·ta Claus
Pronunciation: 'san-ta-"kloz also 'san-tE-
Function: noun
Etymology: modification of Dutch Sinterklaas, alteration of Sint Nikolaas, Saint Nicholas
A plump, white-bearded and red-suited old man in modern folklore who delivers presents to good children at Christmastime.
Some people have questioned the idea and existence of Santa Claus. These people are blasphemers! They should be burned at the Christmas tree or have presents thrown at them! Santa is real! He is omniscient, knowing whether each child has been good or bad throughout the year. He uses his omniscient powers to determine who gets the presents at Christmas (the birth of Christ, also known as the "Holy Capitalism Day"). Santa Claus is the big, fat, jolly, all-knowing man at the North Pole who can deliver presents to everyone on Earth overnight using only one sleigh and a bunch of flying reindeer. Some people question if He is real and how He can do this. But you must know that if He does this... He is real. So, He is real, because He does this. This may sound like circular reasoning to you. But, you must have faith! He does all this in one night. The proof is that every Christmas day, there are presents underneath the Christmas tree. And, most of them are from "Santa". I ask you, "How could this happen if Santa were not real?" Therefore, it is true and He is real.
Santa Claus is verifiable in history. This is proven just as in the truth of religion. From birth, we all teach our children of a belief in God. We also teach our children about Santa, his allocation of presents is based on behavior, just as God's allocation of space in the afterlife is based on behavior. In fact, Santa is reminiscent of religion. Santa/God is watching you to see if you are good or bad. [SANTA: Good = Presents. Bad = Coal.] [GOD: Good = Heaven. Bad = Hell.] If you want to question Santa's method for allocating presents, you might as well question God's method. They both use the same method!
FACTS ABOUT SANTA CLAUS:
Entrance: Enters via chimney. Homes without a chimney still get presents because Santa is omnipotent. He does not need a chimney. If you were good, He will get your presents to you. Have faith!Home: The North Pole. Chose this locale mainly because fruit cakes and cheese platters don't age there. However, the recent trend toward electronics is giving Santa major problems. For instance, the LCD screens are freezing.
Sleigh: A recent figure for global population was 6,400,000,000 people on earth. Assuming an average weight of 2 lbs/present, this means the sleigh would be carrying 12,800,000,000 lbs (not including the sleigh or the big, fat, jolly guy). Now, the reindeer include Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder, Blitzen, and Rudolph... a total of 9 carriers of this weight. So, 12,800,000,000 lbs divided by 9 reindeer equals 1,422,222,222 lbs/carrier. So, each reindeer is carrying 1.4 billion lbs of weight! This is incredible isn't it?! How could they do this without divine intervention and faith?!?! This is proof that Santa is true and God is true!
Santa's Helpers: Again, global population is 6,400,000,000 people. That means 17,534,246 presents must be made every day. Let's assume a diligent elf can produce an astonishing 5 X-boxes or desktop computers per day. That means there are at least 3,506,849 elves working at the North Pole who crank out 5 presents a day. Now, do you have any more questions about whether Santa Claus is real or not?!?! This would be impossible is He wasn't real!
OTHER FACTS:Scriptures of Santa Claus: These show the ancient texts which prove the existence of Santa Claus (a.k.a. Sinterklaas, Sint Nikolaas, Saint Nicholas)Polar Express: In this recent movie, a magical train conductor comes to see only those who don't believe. And, if you can't hear Santa's bells, it's proof that you don't believe. By the end of the movie (just like any sermon), everyone believes and hears the bells!
Santa Claus in his Historical Glory: As with most Christian holidays, the history of Santa Claus is actually based on many traditions: Christian, Pagan, Old Catholic, Scandinavian, Dutch, German, English and mythology. Santa's been know by other aliases such as: St. Nicholas, Sint Klaas, Sint Nikolaas, Joulupukki (Yule Buck), Father Christmas. According to Palestinian and Egyptian legends, he was imprisoned under Emperor Diocletian. Fortunately, he was released by the more humanitarian Emperor Constantine or we wouldn't have any presents today. Later, he attended the first council of Nicaea in 325. Old pagan tradition remained strong in Finland, but got a Christian flavor as time went by. Pagan people used to have festivities to ward off evil spirits. In Finland these spirits of darkness wore goat skins and horns. In the beginning this creature didn't give presents but demanded them. The Christmas Goat was an ugly creature and frightened children. It is unclear how this personality was transformed into the benevolent Father Christmas. Nowadays, the only remaining feature is the name. The process was probably a continuous amalgamation of many old folk customs and beliefs from varied sources. One can speak of a Christmas pageant tradition consisting of many personages with roles partly Christian, partly pagan: A white-bearded saint, the Devil, demons, house gnomes, whatnot. Nowadays the Joulupukki of Finland resembles the American Santa Claus. If you want more history on Santa Claus, do a Google search for "Santa Claus origin".