Such luck, said I, to find this out,
Before I suffered fear and doubt;
All that I’d need would be to send,
This guy a fifty buck stipend.

Make it a hundred, don’t be cheap,
And earn a place at Jesus’ feet.
He said, "five hundred can provide,
Your seat at God’s almighty side."

It seems the Lord needs company,
Since angels few of us will be;
Salvation’s kept for those alone,
Who throw evangelists a bone.

So Benny told me God’s agreed,
Trips heavenward are guaranteed,
If I but liquidate my home,
And pledge it via telephone.

I found it odd that God would need,
To satisfy our Benny’s greed;
So I decided I would pass,
And let old Benny kiss Hank’s Ass.

I much prefer the cooking shows,
To watching bible thumpers crow;
So pass the popcorn, chips and coke,
Daytime TV’s not bad, just broke! 
 

by K. Axel Brauch
2/28/2003