At first it was just funny, but then the humor wore off.  We're talking about the God billboards that are popping up all over.  They have a statement in white on a black background.  The statement is always signed "- God".  Does God need to rent space on a billboard to get his message across?  Such a powerful God that is 'everywhere' should just make billions of copies of himself and deliver the message individually to everyone on earth.  Now, that would really be making a statement!  He really wants us all to believe in him, so why be so shy and resort to billboards?  Anyway, in this installment of "We're Not Making This Stuff Up!", here are the billboards.  We've taken the liberty to add our own comments too.

"Don't make me come down there!" – God.
[Reminds us of our parent's threat.]

"I'm making a list and checking it twice." – God.
[We always thought God was really Santa Claus.]

"What part of thou-shalt-not don't you understand?" – God.
[Spoken as if we were little children.]

"You think it's hot here?" – God.
[Threats? Hostility? Hellfire?!]

"We need to talk." – God.
[O.K.  Where the hell are you?
All I see is a man-made billboard!]

"Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer – God"
[How?  By letting another Church bus crash in my path?]

"Which one of the Ten Commandments don’t you understand? – God"
[Glad you asked - Don't understand "Thou shalt not kill".
You kill all the time and you commanded Moses to kill.]

"Come on over and bring the kids.  – God"
[Right - lock them into another generation of blood-soaked superstition?]

"Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game" – God.
[No, You're on the wrong team.]

"Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage" – God.
[You weren't at the wedding and neither was your priest!]

"I love you and you and you and you and..." – God.
[Then, why are you going to burn most of us?!]

"That "Love Thy Neighbor" thing... I meant it." – God.
[But, only if they're Christian, right?!]

 "My way is the highway." – God.
[Can you fix the potholes then?!
And, why is it always under construction?
Didn't get it right the first time?]

"Will the road you are on get you to my place?" – God.
[God, I hope not!]

"Follow me." – God.
[Umm, no thank you.]

"Big bang theory, you've got to be kidding." – God.
[You got a better one? Let's hear it!  But, not that one with the
7 days, Eden & ribs.  We already shot holes in all that.]

"Need directions?" – God.
[Umm, no thank you.]

"Pray to End Abortion" – God.
[Regardless of your stand on this issue, certainly lots are praying for this.  But, it's not working.  Why?]

"Do you have any idea where you are going?" – God.
[Umm, yes.]

"Have you read my #1 best seller? There will be a test." – God.
[Yes, parts anyway, but I mostly read non-fiction.]

Note: No credit is ever given on these billboards to an individual or organization.

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- Ethical Atheist
[Created: 10/25/2002]
[Last Update: 11/22/2002]