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You might be anxious in finding love in your life. Be careful, however, about getting so carried away with yourself that you commit SIN! Remember that one fun night isn't worth an eternity in Hell! Just wait, get married and don't make a fool of yourself in the Lord's eyes! Remember that he's everywhere and knows everything. |
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There is a strong force encouraging you to spread your wings, to learn science and free your mind. You must stomp out this feeling! This impulse encourages the devil and you'd soon be one of those damn atheists! Just go ahead and incorporate more elements of God and the Bible into your day, and practice the art of prayer. Do NOT liberate yourself from the blinders and chains that you know God wants you to wear! Don't let your imagination run wild! Go to Church! |
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Regardless of the situation you find yourself in, you are able to turn it into one of God's miracles... or at least a joke of some sort against nonbelievers. Your humor is likely to lift the spirits of others at Church who may be thinking that the place is too stuffy and full of lies. The Church needs you. Be careful, however, of taking things too far. The Lord's work is serious business and you don't want to piss him off! |
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Get ready because today is an excellent day to begin an Inquisition. You will feel power from your faith today and have a strong desire to kill everyone that doesn't believe in your version of the "Big Guy". And that's O.K. Feel free to be belligerent and intolerant today, because... It's Your Day! |
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Today, you will come in contact with a BAD person! Perhaps he is encouraging a humanistic or atheist approach that you find unrealistic and even a bit nauseating. Don't be afraid! Stick to your guns! Just say he's full of lies and don't listen to him! Be prepared for a counter-argument, but no matter what he says, just say "You have don't have the facts to back up your point" or say, "Were you there?" And, if you get stuck on any question from this infidel, just say "With God, All Things Are Possible"! There's a lot of these "non-citizens" around, so it is important that you don't encourage him. |
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Take care of your fellow churchgoers today by reminding them to fear God. Be careful, however, that you keep it subtle - you don't want to scare them out of the building. Even though you may want to make them feel like poor excuses for human beings - to squelch any free thinking, you still need to tell them some of exactly what they want to hear. This is not really bad because it is doing the Lord's work. |
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You may find yourself teetering between the God's world and a fanciful one. Don't worry, you are not going insane, you are just being influenced by the Devil. More than likely, the fantasy world is the one that beelzebub is trying to lure you into - most likely with the help of some evil people called "secularists", "Darwinists", "atheists", etc. Leave the situation and make a mad dash for the Church! Do some Hail Mary's, repent you sins, kneel and pray. |
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Do not waste another day allowing the heathens to live a peaceful life. Go door-to-door handing out religious pamphlets. Yell and honk your horn at cars displaying the Darwin fish, or if they are parked, scratch your key down the side of their car. Call the police and tell them that your unbelieving neighbor is running a crack lab. Go to libraries and bookstores and hide all the infidel reading material, or better yet, if you can get it out of the building and burn it, you would be in God's favor for many months to come. BE CREATIVE! Learn how to hack into internet sites of these heathens and destroy their work! |
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Regardless of any scientific material that you may come in contact with today, you will want to take the easy way out and refuse to read it. It will only cause problems for you. All that you need to know, the Lord has provided to you in the Bible. DON'T LET THE DEVIL ALLOW YOU TO STRAY! There is also a sense of laziness seeping over you, and you may accidentally walk into the evolution section at the museum or watch part of a PBS show while channel surfing. Be careful of cheating God's demands. You will earn exactly what you deserve! |
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You may be getting frustrated with the demands that the Lord places on you, because they seem to be causing more tension and confusion. No one said getting to Heaven was easy! It's going to be completely miserable most of the time. One thing that seems to help is going out and making infidels miserable too. Try to get some of the constraints placed on you by the Bible made into Law, so that others can suffer with you. It seems to make it easier somehow. |
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Today, you should use some of your power within the Church for your own gain. The alter boys look up to you and are in awe of your power. They would do anything you asked them to without telling a soul! Or, take some money from the donation plate or the Church bank account. You are a good God-Fearing Christian, so there's nothing wrong with you getting a little reward. Besides, your better than those wavering members of the congregation that donated the money, right? |
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It's a bad day for the "fish" which has been carved up to feed many people. Try not to undertake large projects today because you will feel stretched thin, like everyone wants something from you. However, it will give you strength to know that atheists are weak and lazy everyday because they can't live by the code of the Bible and try to make up excuses with science and reason to get out of doing what it says. |
Other
Myth-Mixes.
RELIGION and...:
Magic
8 Ball...
Numerology...
Tarot
Cards...
Numerology...
I
Ching...
Biorythms...